Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
