You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
