im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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