Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize