I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
