wrigley field is MILF paradise
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
