Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
