my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
