I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
