I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
