Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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