Do you still have your period?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
