hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
