Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
