I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
