and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
