So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm like, not good at living.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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