My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
