We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize