she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
