Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
