Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
