Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
