i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
