these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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