You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Randomize
