You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
