Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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