Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
