my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
