ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
