Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
