i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
