My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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