ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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