Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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