Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
