that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
