you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
