He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
