he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
the day after is always just damage control
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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