Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I booty called her while she was in labor.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
