okay pat passed out under dana's car
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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