I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
