yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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