he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He better not be in your backpack
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
