btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
