i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I looked at my own cervix.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
