I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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