P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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