I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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