oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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