My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
