my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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