So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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