I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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