her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
