I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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