This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
