Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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