Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Just cropdusted the office
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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