There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
