Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
