Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
