This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
