Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
