He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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