This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
