I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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